I'm on the upswing now, but there were a few weeks in there where I was eating my feelings. The end of a relationship, that was in many ways like trying to cram a square peg into a round hole, took it's toll more than I realized. As of late, I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I want to be healthier in general in every area -- emotional and physically. In relation to food, I'm hoping that this new sense of awareness will be the key I need to keep things under control. I'm not a big binge eater, or a jumbo portions person, but I will go straight for carby comfort foods and sugary treats when I'm looking for an emotional pick me up. I also realized I was sleeping WAY too much. I thought at first I was sick, but then realized later it's my easy escape from feeling anxious. If I get too anxious, then I get overwhelmed and just sort of shut down.
Realizing this pattern was not really good for me overall, I decided it was time to get a new therapist (and some better coping skills) and I love her, YAY! My previous therapist and I were together for 8 years and she recently moved to Austin. Even though I didn't see her often it gave me a sense of stability to know she was there if I needed her. I guess I sort of dreaded starting over again, but I got lucky and hit the jackpot. I'm hoping to get some of this stuff sorted out a bit more for the long haul. One thing that she's doing that's new to me is hypnosis. I'm not 100% convinced it's working yet, but I'm working on being a believer. I have a recording of the hypnosis/guided meditation we did last time I was in her office and I've been listening to it a few times a day and it does seem to be helping. I'm not sure if it's the dedicated time to just sit and be quiet and relax (but not sleep) or the actual words that are being suggested, but oh well, I kinda don't care -- I'm feeling better and that matters more. The gist of the mantra is "calm and relaxed" so I made myself a little poster to hang up in my office as a visual reminder.
Last night was my first trip to the gym since knee surgery. That felt good, too. I know that if I increase my activity, my energy and mood improves, so it's a definite step in the right direction. I didn't do anything crazy, just a little warm up (8 minutes) on the bike to get my knee loosened up, some free weights, leg presses and squats, then 15 minutes on the elliptical. It was a little uncomfortable since I've been essentially inactive all summer. Nothing I can't tolerate though. Next Wednesday is my first trainer appointment. Way back when I met with Gretchen once to do a fitness test (which is when I probably injured it -- not her fault, just dumb luck) so I'm looking forward to seeing her again. I've already paid for three hour sessions and I really need accountability to stay on track until I make habits.
One decision I have made is to cut way back on carbs, specifically wheat. God do I love anything with wheat in it, but boy does it make me bloaty and miserable. Soft pretzels might as well just go ahead and be crack. This weekend I'm going to take advantage of the long holiday and do some planning. The kiddo is coming home from college and we'll be spending the day at Carlyle Lake, but other than that I have zero big plans. I'm kinda excited about that, actually. Gym, garden, and some freezer cooking.
Enjoy the holiday!